Dear Swami Jimbo Supporter:

My name is Bruce Gibson. I'm a world-famous actor and celebrity. But that's not why I've written to you. No, even I must stop talking about myself long enough to laud the merits of my personal guru, Sri Swami Suchabanana Rama Jimbo. Without doubt the most spiritually advanced soul on our planet, Sri Swami Jimbo is - as you, a known devotée, already realize - one of the most important people anywhere.

Now that the holiday season is upon us (well, it's after Halloween, and that's close enough to Christmas for retailers, so what the heck...), once again we who are closest to Swami Jimbo must reach out to those of you who are not so high up and ask you to help Swami's cause.

It's a good cause. It's the cause of world harmony. It's the cause of societal betterment. It's the cause of, well, of Swami Jimbo's lifestyle. Not just any lifestyle, but a refined, civilized state that Swami must cultivate so he can concentrate on his inspired work.

And that takes money. Lots of money. And gifts. So we ask you to dig deep and send whatever you can to this most wonderful person. We accept two-party out-of-state checks with no i.d., Lebanese pounds, Canadian Maple Leafs with or without authentication, food stamps, you name it.

In addition, we have enclosed for your convenience a set of retail catalogs with suggested purchases bookmarked. Please feel free (well, they're kind of expensive, actually) to order any or all of these for Swami. He'll thank you, I'm sure. He said so to me.

Now, I'm not one to boast, but I really am one of the most famous and sought-after people around. So I can say with authority that few people deserve your contributions more than me. Among them is Swami Jimbo. He taught me how to love myself again. He taught me how to be happy again. He taught me the meaning of "the love of one's exalted place on Earth." (Some people call that "narcissism," but they're just being petty.) If you give to Swami, his benediction and blessings will flow over your life as if by magic, so that if you're troubled, out-of-sorts, or just plain blah, he'll guarantee that, in his words, "You will find you are definitely having more, much more, of the life you are having."